I don’t actually like Sunday newspapers very much. But I read them because they are ‘THE SUNDAY NEWSPAPERS.’ Saturday newspapers are marginally better. I always read Good Weekend. And sometimes I read the regular columns. Sometimes they are really good and sometimes they are somewhat less fabulous. But I read them because they too deserve CAPITALS and are THE COLUMNS. So to save you time in what many of us think of as a time-poor world, I have devised a quiz, the results of which will direct you unerringly to the column you are most eager to read. So….the question I pose is this: Are you a Maggie, a Stephanie or a Max? All three (Maggie Anderson, Stephanie Dowrick and Max Dapin) are writers for the Good Weekend and appeared (alphabetically) in the July 25th 2009 edition in the order you just read.
And (not necessarily in the above order) opened their articles with the following sentences. And your first question is this: which one of these opening sentences is most likely to encourage you to read more?
Question 1
A: ‘Sigmund Freud is no longer on the cultural landscape, but some of his concepts remain useful as reference points in our self-understanding’
B: ‘I am not a bikie’
C: ‘I’ve been so lucky in vintage boutiques, consignment stores and junk shops recently that I bought myself a lottery ticket.’
Do keep track of your responses.
Question 2
Within the first couple of paragraphs, these adjectives were used. (That is, if I correctly understand the differences between adjectives, adverbs and adverbial clauses). Which word, adjectively speaking, most appeals to you?
A: ‘adjustable’
B: ‘palpable’
C: ‘rubbish’
Question 3
I find that line 33 of an article is always revealing. You’re past the intrigue of the beginning, not at the wrap-up at the end…still clipping along in the body of the story…so which of the following lines 33 has the greatest romantic appeal for you?
A: ‘…can it really be as fabulous as I think it is? Well,…’
B: ‘…be wild, but whenever they are caught with a…’
C: ‘How we think about ego has become as much a cultural…’
Question 4
Of course, line three paragraph six in any article usually truly reveals the actual level of dramatic tension of an article. Which of these do you rate as most dramatically tense?
A: ‘…sinister subgroup in our society called œchauffees,…’
B: ‘…universe, and that their happiness depends on how well they…’
C: ‘…and Truly Scrumptious too. I’m sure Liz Taylor…’
Question 5
What do you consider to be a good number of paragraphs for an article in the ‘Good Weekend’?
A: 9
B: 6
C: 10
You are keeping track aren’t you?
Question 6
The concluding word for each of the articles was as per the following. Which of these words seems most…’final’ to you?
A: ‘…tomorrow.’
B: ‘…selves.’
C: ‘…Australians.’
If you want to check the results of this survey. (You really do have time on your hands don’t you?), then here they are. And in case it isn’t clear, you just check who said what and assign a name to your answer and at the end add up how many of each you have, hence determining whether you are a Maggie, a Stephanie or a Max.
Question 1 (re opening lines)
Stephanie: A: ‘Sigmund Freud is no longer on the cultural landscape, but some of his concepts remain useful as reference points in our self-understanding.’
Max: B: ‘I am not a bikie’
Maggie: C: ‘I’ve been so lucky in vintage boutiques, consignment stores and junk shops recently that I bought myself a lottery ticket.’
Question 2 (re which adjective most appeals to you)
Maggie: A: ‘adjustable’
Stephanie: B: ‘palpable’
Max: C: ‘rubbish’
Question 3 (re the greatest romantic appeal)
Maggie: A: ‘…can it really be as fabulous as I think it is? Well,…’
Max: B: ‘…be wild, but whenever they are caught with a…’
Stephanie: C: ‘…how we think about ego has become as much a cultural…’
Question 4 (re dramatic tension)
Max A: ‘…sinister subgroup in our society called echauffees…’
B: Stephanie: B: ‘,,,universe, and that their happiness depends on how well they…’
Maggie: C: ‘…and Truly Scrumptious too. I’m sure Liz Taylor…’
Question 5 (re good number of paragraphs in an article)
Max: A: 9
Stephanie: B: 6
Maggie: C: 10
Question 6 (re final words)
Maggie: A: ‘…tomorrow.’
Stephanie: B: ‘…selves.’
Max; C: ‘…Australians.’
So what do the results of this test tell you about yourself? Dunno really. Just made it all up. But if you ended up with a lot of one name, next week you might just start your reading with that person. Or the second on your list, if the first isn’t included next time. Or of course, psychologically speaking, the results of this questionnaire indicate that you:
A: Really like doing tests like this one?
B: Don’t particularly care for such tests but really did have some time on your hands?
C: You just love all three writers and couldn’t resist?
D: You love me and do whatever I ask? (contact me for very expensive therapy)
E: Something else?
F: Something else that is weird?
A final question. Based on your test results, who would you most like to spend an evening with having a meal and a glass of whatever you prefer to drink? In making your choice, you are welcome to be as influenced as you like by the photos of each of the writers.
Let me know your choice and I will see what I can set up. Setting myself up is the simplest, but most expensive, option.